There are basically 2 ways to cope with struggles in your marriage. You can either ignore it or focus on it. It’s the same with any problem in life. Some people hide from their problems. Other people face them. The irony of this choice is that people who run from their problems seek relief, but end up in pain. People who face their issues experience pain, but end up relieved.
Imagine you had an upset stomach day after day. You could ignore it in order to avoid the inconvenience of going to the doctor or the cost of the prescription. But the fact is that a recurring stomach ache is a sign of a health problem that needs your attention. And if you don’t give it your attention, it’ll end up being a bigger inconvenience, maybe costing more money, and causing you more pain.
A problem doesn’t go away because you run from it; it gets worse. The eventual cost of dealing with it escalates. Your stomach, for example, will continue to ache until you finally say, “Okay, I’ll deal with this.” Then, and only then, will you get relief.
We get exactly the problems we need in our life to fix the things about ourselves that need fixing. I want to say that again because it’s so important. We get exactly the problems we need in our life to fix the things about ourselves that need fixing.
In other words, your marriage struggle is not coincidental. It wasn’t just bad luck. It’s like a stomach ache; it’s reflective of a problem that needs correcting. It’s a sign that you have a weakness that needs work. If you ignore it, the pain will increase until you finally say, “Okay, I’ll deal with this.”
Sure…it’s your wife’s fault. I know. But your marital situation is reflective of some inner work that YOU have to do too. If you don’t do it; you’ll find yourself in this same situation again and again. The details may not be immediately recognizable, but I promise you that the pain will not relent until you deal with whatever it is about YOU that’s bringing this stress into your life. Deal with it Paul. Don’t run.
The worst suffering occurs when you run from your suffering. It’s not the snake bite that’s the problem; it’s running from the snake that pumps venom to your heart…that’s the problem.
God did not design us to run from our imperfections. God wants us to seek His divine guidance and allow Him to work in us. Men…you have to lead your marriage. Just as God is working in you….you must work in your marriage.
The worst pain comes from avoidance. The healing comes from attention. The only way out of your suffering is to move through it.
Be Strong. Act Like Men.
PS – marriage success is not coincidental either.