My church has completed a series called – Crash the Chatterbox. It focuses on that internal voice that creates fear, condemnation and discouragement while preventing us from hearing what God has to say about ourselves. It reminded me about my journey:
I didn’t go to church for a long time. I has many reasons through high school, college and early adulthood. I would do the traditional Mother’s Day, Christmas and Easter. I even attempting leading my family. Out of guilt – I tried. Out of shame – I failed. It started simply enough. I didn’t go consistently with my family, so I felt out of place. I felt out of place, so I felt that I would embarrass myself in a Christian environment because of my lack of knowledge. If you combined that with the mistakes that I made in my life, then I arrived at the point of knowing that I was not good enough to belong to a church and that there was no way that God could love me. It would be great to say that I saw the light. I didn’t. To mask my shame – I became arrogant and prideful. It was easier to put other Christians down rather than humble myself. I knew that I was better at guiding my life. It resulted in debt, divorce and health issues.
Next stop…..fear, condemnation and discouragement. I believed the devil….God had really abandoned me. I had no value. I sunk into a deep and dark place. I was never going to be able to rise up. It was an awful place to be. It was exactly where God knew that I would end up. Little did I know that while I was at my weakest…I was strong. Strong through God’s grace and forgiveness. Strong through God’s love.
I didn’t accomplish any of this alone. It has been my faith in God that has brought me up from the bottom. I wanted to share my testimony with you. I will admit that it felt awkward sharing it. I started to feel like I was one of those people that I used to condemn; and then I realized that sharing our journey is important. I would simply say – at your worst, God knows best.
“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” – 2 Corinthians 12:10
Be Strong. Act Like Men.