How often do we simply focus on what is wrong rather than what is going well?
I am not saying that we don’t have to identify challenges. It is important that we understand what isn’t working and take steps to make things better.
But…do you know what good looks like in your marriage? Have you taken the time to consider all that works well?
Consider a study done by the University of Wisconsin where two bowling team were recorded on video over a number of game. Each team reviewed a video study of their results. One team’s video showed only those occasions where they made mistakes. The others only showed those occasions where they did well. The team that studied its successes improved its score twice as much as the other team over the next month. The conclusion is that choosing the positive as the focus is the best approach to creating lasting change.
When studying Jesus, his life, his love, his methods…..do you focus on the Pharisees? Of course not…you focus on Christ himself.
I wonder if we are missing an opportunity in our marriages. If we ignore the positives only to focus on the negatives, then are we creating a sense of hopelessness? I challenge you to identify what is going well. Find ways to highlight these things. I bet it will increase the feeling of togetherness which will ultimately lead to solving the challenges together.