Have you ever tried to fix your wife? Have you ever tried to fix her problems for her?
We can’t fix our wives, so we need to stop trying. I am sure that this isn’t the first time you’ve heard this. I’ve learned this. I’ve read about it. I understand it. I am writing you about it today. Somehow, I still think that it is my job to fix her or her problems anyway.
Let’s say that your wife has had a bad day at work. She starts to share her frustrations. You have two options:
1) Start to problem solve all that went wrong offering up solutions on how to correct those problems; and then provide a critique on where her actions or lack thereof helped to contribute to her misery.
2) Listen. Empathize with her feelings. Ask her if you can help her…if not help her…what specifically you can pray about for her.
Which is going to produce the better result?
My wife is smart and talented. She is much more than she even gives herself credit for in these areas. My job is not to fix things for my wife. God will handle that. My job is to nourish and cherish her in God’s instructions to husbands (Ephesians 5:28-29).
Let’s take our ability to fix things – and use it to fix ourselves. That might be the greatest fix that we can give our wives.
Three cups of coffee…..and no water to drink since bedtime last night. It’s no wonder that I’ve given myself a dehydration induced headache by mid-morning….and there is not a quick fix. Dehydration takes time to remedy.
I’ve made this mistake before and probably will again. The lesson is simple: Don’t wait until you are thirsty to drink. Know what your system needs, and act accordingly. It’s one thing to be create this situation while sitting at your desk. It is another thing to take on physical activity without preparation. If you wait until you are parched, you’ve probably waited too long. Unfortunately, we usually discover what we should have done after we didn’t do it.
My coffee induced headache serves as a parable for spiritual depletion and the need to replenish ourselves. Serving you wife, your family, your job….or anything for that matter can deplete your reserves. If you are constantly pouring yourself out, you require a regimen of filling yourself up — rehydrating, if you will. Every “mile” of serving takes something out of you. If you want to live and love faithfully for decades — marathon distance — you had better know how to consistently restore depleted resources. And preferably before you are in desperate need.
The lesson is clear. Don’t wait until you feel a headache and then begin your search for water.
Drink before you are thirsty.
“Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life” John 4:13-14
Go buy a small tube of toothpaste. Take it home. Squeeze all of it out onto the counter. Done?
Good….now try to get all that toothpaste back into the tube. Go ahead. Do it. What? It’s not working?
That’s very similar to the words that come out of our mouths. You can’t put them back. It is why that it is important to measure the words that we are going to say. It is even more important to not to participate in gossip.
Never say anything about someone that you wouldn’t say to their face.
Refuse to listen to someone else’s gossip.
Initiate positive statement about people whom you are talking about.
“The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell” James 3:6
I had a different post written for today. It was going to talk about the importance of loving and pursuing our wives every day. I was going to connect it to how greeting card and floral industry have twisted the true meaning of love into a multi-billion dollar holiday; and then….
I see the excitement in my wife’s eyes this morning over it being Valentine’s Day. I see the little things that she has done to make it a special day for everyone that she loves. I see the joy that she has in her heart. I see the woman that caused me to fall in love with her….and I fell in love with her all over again.
Guys…it is easy for us to simply focus on tasks. Flowers – check. Card – check. Chocolates – check. I’ve checked off my list. I am sure that you’ve checked off your list. Let’s challenge ourselves to make today a day that is much more than cards and flowers. Make a statement – today is the day that we start to pursue our wives and leading our marriages to the place that God intends it to be.
To my wife – I am grateful that God gave such an imperfect man such a wonderful gift in you. I am blessed to be able to love my best friend. I love you babe. I like you even more.
“We score big when we make our goal unconditional affirmation – no strings attached”
We’ve talked about ways to love and cherish our wives without expecting anything in return. That said…we can never stopping learning way to accomplish this. I like lists, so I am sharing this list from a Family Life article. Give these ideas a try with your wife…..
“Here are thirty nonsexual ways to cherish your bride through words and acts of affirmation. And by the way, these are nonsexual so that you speak her romantic love language. It’s important to remember that you are not doing these things to get something in return. Perhaps she will reciprocate in your language back to you, but that’s not your goal. Are you ready?
- Hug and kiss her every morning before leaving the house. Research indicates that marriages that practice this simple discipline are much healthier than those that don’t. If she’s sleeping, leave her a note, or gently kiss her forehead and whisper, “Have a wonderful day, sweetheart.”
- Reach across the front seat of the car when you drive and hold her hand, even for a few moments. Allow your fingers to become entwined.
- Write, “I’m crazy about you, Honey. You’re the best!” or another personal message on a yellow sticky note. Attach it to her bathroom mirror.
- Call her from work and say, “I’ve been thinking of how good I have it with you in my life. Thanks for all that you are as a woman and all that you do for me and our family.”
- The next time you get a pair of tickets to a ball game, theater, or concert that she’d like to go to, make a sacrifice. Instead of going with a buddy, tuck them in her purse with a note saying, “You deserve a night off. Have fun with a girlfriend.”
- Go an entire day without criticizing anything about her. Instead, try to notice her doing something that you really appreciate, and tell her how much you value her.
- Go to bed at the same time with her for a week; just talk or read a book and share the quietness together. Or play a card game that you used to play when you dated or were just married.
- Brush her hair and compliment her hair and eyes.
- While she studies her face in the mirror, come up behind her and gently kiss the back of her neck. Say, “God broke the mold after He made you. You are so beautiful.”
- Call her or send her an e-mail midafternoon and ask her how her day is going.
- Try your hand at making breakfast on Saturday morning. Tell her she deserves a break and should feel free to sleep in.
- Take her car to the gas station, fill the tank, vacuum the floor mats, and clean the windows. When you park it at the house, leave a note on the dash with just a heart and the words, “Thinking of you.”
- Write her a short love letter in which you list several ways that she has blessed you this year.
- Resurrect common courtesies. Start opening the car door for her as you did when you dated, pull out her chair for her at the dinner table, offer your arm while walking down stairs, and help her put her coat on.
- If she’s doing the laundry, pull yourself away from whatever you’re doing and offer to bring the hamper.
- Put the toilet seat down when you’re finished, and wash your hands. I’d estimate that 40 percent of men don’t. Our wives do know. Stroking her face after you’ve been to the bathroom suddenly loses its romantic appeal!
- Put down the newspaper or turn off the computer, and say, “Why don’t we go for a walk and talk? I’d love to hear about your day.”
- If you overhear her engaged in a difficult situation on the phone or with a child, compliment the way she handled the conversation.
- Initiate daily prayer with her. This one spiritual discipline has transformed millions of marriages. Make a commitment, and then begin to pray together every day. Begin by giving thanks for her and your family, then pray with her about her worries and challenges. Ask her to pray for you about a challenge you are facing.
- Say, “Thank you,” after every meal she serves. Then help her clear the table or offer to do the dishes with her.
- If she has wrestled with a specific spiritual issue (such as gossip, envy, a lack of compassion), tell her how much you appreciate her desire to handle it in a godly manner.
- Express appreciation for her doing the laundry and folding your clothing.
- Each day try to say, “I love the way you _______ ,” and fill in the blank with something you’ve observed.
- When your wife irons your shirts or picks up the dry cleaning, say, “Thanks, Honey, for taking such good care of me.”
- When the alarm goes off in the morning, wrap your arm around her, press your body next to hers, and cuddle for several minutes. When you leave, say, “I wish I didn’t have to go.”
- The next time you go to dinner, say, “You’ve had a tough day, Sweetie. Why don’t you pick the spot tonight?”
- When you are together in a crowd, find a way to brag on her. Say, “My wife is such an amazing cook,” or “I’ve got the best wife—her ______ never ceases to amaze me.”
- The morning after making love, touch her tenderly, and tell her how wonderful it was to be with her.
- With your wife in the room, tell your kids, “You’ve got the best mommy in the world. Isn’t she great? I just love her so much.”
- Help her put the kids to bed each night.
For some men, the thought of affirming their wives sounds like a lot of work. Others are anxious about being so vulnerable with displays of affirmation. Whatever the reason, they hesitate to step out and pursue the call to love found in Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV): “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”
If you’ve hesitated affirming your bride, or if you’ve been slow to praise her qualities, trust me on this: just do it. Affirming your wife through even just three or four of these ideas will do wonders for your romance. Is that too difficult to believe?
You’ll never know unless you try, right?”
A thought written by Joyce Meyers:
You can pray about everything and worry about nothing. When you worry, it says you think you can solve your own problems better than God can. But you were not built to handle problems in your own strength. You were created by God to be dependent upon Him; so bring Him your challenges in life and allow Him to help you with them.
Can you imagine your life without worry? Why not start today to live a worry-free life? Ask the Lord to show you every time you are taking on care instead of casting it off. When He makes you aware of it, be willing to immediately cast it on Him—you will enjoy life so much more. After a period of time, you will actually find it difficult to worry! It just won’t suit you any longer.
Power Thought: I can cast my care on God because He cares for me.
What is the best gift that you can give your wife? Flowers? Chocolates? Dinner out? All good ideas and give them; however I would like to challenge you to give her something greater. Make yourself less and God more in your life. Seek God as your guide. Ask God to help you become the husband that He intends you to be. Seek to love her like He loves her. How you ask? Start with this verse; and then ask God to help you love her like this.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Be Strong. Act Like Men.